This notice applies to all human beings, no exceptions. Please read carefully.
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed, “Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality,” or more commonly known as “SIN”.
Some Symptoms:
- Loss of direction
- Lack of peace and joy
- Depression or confusion in the mental component
- Foul vocal emissions
- Selfish, violent behavior
- Amnesia of origin
- Fearfulness
- Rebellion
- Pride
To correct this SIN defect, the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.
There is no additional fee req
uired.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
- Love
- Joy
- Peace
- Kindness
- Goodness
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Patience
- Self-control
Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, the HOLY SPIRIT. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the premises.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without making these corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to many dangers and problems — and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency service, call on JESUS.
Thank you for your attention.
