CC BY-NC-SA 2.0, Chris Sgaraglino (Flickr)
A old joke: one Thursday afternoon, a rabbi, a Roman Catholic priest, and an Anglican bishop were out fishing in the ocean alongside their village. Distractions being what they are, the three lost track of both time and location, and as the sun went down, they found themselves lost and afraid: without food or fresh water, they were going to all perish. So they decided to prepare to meet their Maker by hearing one another’s confessions.
The rabbi was the first to go. After he spoke of a few minor indiscretions, he said, “But the worst thing I’ve done is that I’ve failed to keep kosher. For years I have eaten bacon or ham for breakfast. Oh, if my congregation only knew!”
The Roman Catholic priest went next. He spoke of a couple of little wrong doings and then he said, “But the one thing I’m most ashamed of is that for the last twenty years I’ve been dating a woman in the next town over. If my parishioners knew they’d be so shocked!”
Just as the bishop was about to offer up his confession, a Coast Guard ship appeared
on the horizon. Salvation had come, at least in Earthly form.
As they were being lifted onto the rescue boat, the rabbi and priest turned to the bishop and said, “You never told us your greatest sin.”
“Oh,” said the bishop, “That’s easy. I love to gossip!”
A good story, isn’t it? And all in good fun. But it’s also close to home: gossip has always played a role in human society, and it’s always been part of church life. Perhaps that shouldn’t surprise us: a group of people that agree to live in community with one another will necessarily be interested in the life events of others in that community. They’ll want to celebrate, pray, and grieve with those they call sisters and brothers in Christ. But where does it end? Where do the boundaries lie?
I found myself asking these questions a number of years ago, after visiting a parishioner that the prayer team reported to have been rushed away in an ambulance just days before. “I was not,” she clarified, annoyed, “and perhaps the gossip team should consider minding its own business.” To this day, I don’t know what happened. But the fact remains, the good will of one group of people had crossed over another person’s boundaries of comfort and confidentiality.
AST student Rachel Campbell has studied this phenomenon, as reported by CBC, and concludes that church gossip can be both “prophecy and profanity,” depending on the intent. Campbell notes that good communication is the key to addressing the issues.
I can’t help but wonder if interpretation is just as significant as intent. Or perhaps even moreso: after all, taken to its extreme, boundaries and common sense around bullying and sexual harassment favour the interpretation of the victim over the intent of the offender. Is the same true for gossip?
What do you think? How do we address issues of gossip in the church? If we, the Christian community, are who we profess to be, then how should our faith inform the way we talk about one another?
By Keith Charles Edwards April 11, 2014 - 5:11 pm
What I hear stays with me and goes no further. I do not want to look like an idiot. I deal in confidentiality, daily, even in my home office business. If I have to confront someone, I take 2 others with me, as per Matthew,
By Reinhard Rudersdorfer March 18, 2014 - 1:40 pm
Story telling, is what communications is all about. Parables, an allegorical representation of some thing real in life or nature, embodying a Moral, used by the Greatest Story Teller of our time, Jesus Christ, have been around for as long as Human beings have communicated. Confession too is a way of telling a story in confidence. The Internet and particularly Facebook are the vehicles of communicating today. Only the near future will tell if we are learning any thing, for Time is speeding up, thanks to technology. How does the Power, who created us, feel about all this? Keep on asking Her and listen for the Quiet Small Voice.
By Tony Houghton March 18, 2014 - 5:50 pm
Gossip ,if not swiftly dealt with will destroy communion in a church, We just have to see what Paul said about the practice “When they refused to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done.Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip.” and ” For I fear that when I come I may find you not such as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish; that there may be rivalry, jealousy, fury, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.” That pretty well says it all.
By Paul Willson March 21, 2014 - 4:04 pm
I believe that Gossip is forbidden by St.Paul. Having served in an church as librarian where my office was next to the pastor’s office and the walls were thin and voice s loud. I borrowed a statement that British speaker of the House of Commons in 1641 made; “I have no ears to hear nor eyes to see except this house gives me leave”:
How does that relate to the church ? I think that each member should not gossip at any time .
we should refuse to listen to it, and discourage others from”sharing what they know or think they know”
By Phil Snider March 22, 2014 - 8:28 am
There is no doubt that malicious gossip causes a lot of damage both in our churches and in our workplaces and what not. I think most people have experienced this and feel a visceral understanding of St. Paul’s words already noted above. At its worst, gossip can be form of bullying, intimidation and just mean-spiritedness. There is no excuse for it anywhere.
Yet, we also have to remember that we live in communities, especially in a church, and that means that our lives are intertwined in ways that cause us to want to understand what is going on with others. That means people will talk. We hope not maliciously, but they may talk about the need for prayer or as a way to learn how to live a Christian life or how to learn from other’s successes (and, sometimes, failures). That talk isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it can be the stories which serve as the glue of our lives together.
I think intent and interpretation are important here, but they are difficult to interpret and to square against themselves. I don’t have any easy answers, but there it is.
Peace,
Phil